Loner... or lonely?

Second Life is a weird old place.  

Sometimes you can feel like you know everyone, and you're surrounded by fun and happiness.  Other times, you can feel so alone, like no one is there for you, and you're a constant annoyance if you do say "Hello!".  

I'm a self confessed loner... pretty much always have been in SL.  That doesn't mean that I don't like speaking to people, just the opposite.  I love to talk, about everything, and nothing.  I can't remember if my profile still says it, but it definitely used to say that I'm a "chatterbox".  In fact I used to get in trouble for being "too chatty" on some sims where people were perhaps after different things LOL

I'm guilty of not always initiating a conversation.  Not because I don't want to.  Generally because I worry that I'm overstepping, interrupting... or just being generally annoying. 

I wonder how many of us feel that way?

I sit... logged in... alone... in silence... waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting for fuck knows what.

So, I was never the popular kid at school.  I had a few close friends, but I wasn't surrounded by friends, and I certainly wasn't invited to all the cool parties.  A lot of people didn't really know how to deal with the gay kid in class.  Like, how do you talk to "one of those"? So I adapted, and developed this loner mentality.

I think describing myself as a loner is a safety mechanism, for me.  Like, if I'm a loner... it won't affect me if people don't say hello, or make contact with me.  

I'm gonna let you into a secret... it does.

Anyway... I guess, it is what it is.  Some days are chatty, some days less so.  My own fault, mainly.  No one else to blame.

Jay <3